"There are two parts to forgiveness", Eli's mother once said after there had been a terrible fight between him and his father. Displeased by Eli's refusal to instantly obey some order Hugo had taken a precious toy drum and hurled it across the room, smashing it. Eli has never forgotten his anger at the moment. It had exploded inside his head, his eyes had seen crimson, then black. He had pummeled his father's chest with impotent fists and had been half dragged, half carried to his room, where he had sobbed himself into an aching state of semiconsciousness.
Later his mother had come in with a glass of juice. After one sip he gagged.
His mother rubbed his back and spoke in a voice as smooth as treacle. "The first part is the most difficult. you must throw away the black feeling ."
How had she defined it so precisely?
"Give it away. Refuse to allow it to remain in your life. It is like doing surgery on yourself - a painful, yet necessary step."
" I don't think I ...." he moaned
"You have great strength. call on it now. you will surprise yourself ."
"Have you ever done it ?"
"Forgiven someone ?"
"Yes"
"Many times"
"Your own Papa?"
"Yes"
"What did he do?"
"That is not important ." Her eyes had starred off in the distance. "Living with someone is a constant series of small reprieves. Most are inconsequential."(trivial)
"My drum is not inconsequential".
"No, I understand that ."She was very quiet.
Finally, he whispered,
"What is the second part ?"
"The hardest, actually you must help the person who hurt you overcome his own feelings of culpability.
"What do you mean?"
" Your father needs to tell him not to feel so upset with himself."
"I don't want to do that."
"That is why it is so difficult. If you do not do anything about it, the discord is not over, and unless it is finished, unless the circle is closed, the problem will linger. Both parties will continue to suffer. You are the only one with the power to put an end to it."
"But how?"
"By accepting your part in the blame."
"I did not throw the drum ."
"No, but you provoked your father."
Eli had seen her point . She had left him alone to sort it out and it was not until the afternoon of the next day that he had found the words - and the courage - to tell his father he was no longer angry.